oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
