you have to choose: penises or morals?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
