sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize