yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
