At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
