She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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