Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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