I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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