you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize