Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
