she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
