mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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