Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
