I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
