Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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