Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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