I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize