I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
