just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So much Jack, so little girl.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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