Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
