So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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