is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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