burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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