she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
