We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Randomize
