oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize