The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
