Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
