Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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