I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
