It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
