Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize