I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
