Tell her she can't have a vagina
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
did i just pee glitter
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
