He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
