out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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