2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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