I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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