also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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