made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
