i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
