When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
