I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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