there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
