she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
