Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
