he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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