At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
