I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I think my vagina is haunted
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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