Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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