we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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