I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
