Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
