I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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