wrigley field is MILF paradise
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
