The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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