So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
