I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
