you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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