12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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