I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
