I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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