He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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