apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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