You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
