Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I wish I could teleport
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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