This dress was meant to end up on your floor
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize