So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
