i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
