In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
