mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
