some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize