Got a toothbrush?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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