if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
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