Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
