we made out on top of his cat.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
