LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
