Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
