Nicole vs. Life
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Help. Why am I so naked?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
