I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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