i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize