Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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