I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
