just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
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