I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
