I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
