it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
