you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
