Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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